Energetic Armando (E.J. Bonilla) was born to dance. Despite the efforts of his meddling mother, Isabella (Priscilla Lopez), to have him take over the family restaurant business in the Bronx and marry their nice Puerto Rican neighbor, Rosa (Angelic Zambrana), Armando would rather move to the music. That’s why he hangs out, working as a janitor/substitute teacher, at the dance studio where his adored WASPy Mia (Leah Pipes) is an instructor. And when she’s paralyzed from the waist down after a traumatic automobile accident, he stays by her side, not only starting an evening wheelchair ballroom dancing program on the basketball court at her rehab center but also working with Mia to get her ready to compete in New York’s first wheelchair ballroom dancing tournament – to be held in only three months.

Best known for “Desperately Seeking Susan” and “Boynton Beach Club,” Susan Seidelman does her best with the predictably melodramatic plot concocted by screenwriter Marty Madden. Unfortunately, the supporting characters are all too trite and stereotypical. There’s the obnoxious Iraqi War veteran Kenny (Morgan Spencer), the angry Goth girl Nikki (Auti Angel), and Chantelle (Laverne Cox), the sassy transsexual who becomes romantically involved with Wilfredo (Nelson P. Landrieu), one of Armando’s older Latino relatives.

Jose Edgar Osorio’s choreography is not only admirable but evocative of classic dance routines in Fred Astaire/Gene Kelly musicals.

Problem is: the superficial narrative contains distressing misinformation. While some paralyzed people can, indeed, become adroit in physical activities like ballroom dancing, along with basketball and other sports, but – in order to master that kind of control of their bodies – they have to spend months, perhaps years in grueling rehabilitation, not 90 days. Another misguided idea is that handicapped women cannot bear children; in many cases, they can – and do.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Musical Chairs” is a simpatico if shallow 6, struggling to be a life-affirming, feel-good fantasy.

In 1750, young Barnabas sailed from Liverpool with his parents, who built a fishing empire in the coastal Maine town known as Collinsport. But Barnabas fell in love with beautiful Josette (Bella Heathcote), infuriating Angelique (Eva Green), a witch who killed Josette and cursed Barnabas for eternity.

Some 196 years later, when his crypt is accidentally excavated, Barnabas elegantly emerges into 1972, bewildered by cars and TV sets, not to mention lava lamps, which he calls “pulsating blood urns.” Despite the efforts of its caretaker (Jackie Earle Haley), Barnabas’s ancestral home, Collinwood Manor, is in ruins, as the financially-strapped family matriarch (Michelle Pfeiffer) tries to cope with her angry, rebellious teenage daughter (Chloe Grace Moretz). Barnabas’s arrival coincides that that of a young governess, Victoria (Bella Heathcote), persecuted because of her mysterious psychic gift. Victoria’s charge is 10 year-old David (Gully McGrath), who talks to his dead mother and is neglected by his wastrel father (Jonny Lee Miller), despite efforts of the Collins’ resident psychiatrist, (Helena Bonham-Carter).

Worst of all, Collinsport has been transformed into Angelsbay, named for its most prominent businesswoman, known as Angie (Eva Green). Declaring, “Family is the only real wealth,” Barnabas vows revenge, determined to right the wrongs done over the past two centuries.

Imaginative Tim Burton directs from Seth Grahame-Smith and John August’s screenplay, based on Dan Curtis’s vividly melodramatic ABC-TV series, broadcast weekdays from June 27, 1966, to April 2, 1971, amassing more episodes (1,225) than most other sci-fi series, including “Doctor Who” and “Star Trek.”

Kudos go to production designer Rick Heinrichs for the atmospheric interiors, Bruno Delbonnel for the eerie cinematography, and Danny Elfman for the pulsating score – with cameos by Christopher Lloyd and Alice Cooper, plus original cast members Jonathan Frid, Lara Parker, Kathryn Leigh Scott and David Selby.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Dark Shadows” is an enduringly escapist 8, a murderously funny fantasy.