“Because I Said So,” review by Susan Granger

As a middle-aged suburban woman, I’m in just right demographic for this picture – and, believe me, when I tell you not to see it unless you’re subpoenaed. It’s that bad.

Cue the clichés. Daphne Wilder (Diane Keaton) is the meddling mother of three grown daughters: Maggie (Lauren Graham), Mae (Piper Perabo) and Millie (Mandy Moore). The first two are happily married but Daphne’s afraid that Millie, who manages a catering business, won’t even recognize Mr. Right when she meets him. So, unbeknownst to Millie, Daphne places an Internet personals ad and interviews prospective sons-in-law. After a succession of frogs, she finds her prince – ultra-yuppie Jason (Tom Everett Scott). Problem is: a musician, Johnny (Gabriel Macht), overhears Daphne and decides to meet Millie himself. Guess which one Millie goes for? The successful architect who meets all of Daphne’s criteria or the scruffy guitarist-with-a-young-son? Oh, yes, the guitarist also has a single dad (Stephen Collins) who finds Daphne irresistible. Gimme a break!Screenwriters Karen Leigh Hopkins and Jessie Nelson (“Stepmom”) offer not one shred of originality, and director Michael Lehmann (“40 Days and 40 Nights”) repeats the same dumb, contrived sight gags, several involving large cakes splattering, multiple times, not to mention cacophonous clatter of cell-phones. As for Daphne’s experiencing her first sexual orgasm just after she turns 60, do I need to know the details of this?Over the years, Diane Keaton has honed the funny/flustered routine into a fine art and Mandy Moore exudes a haplessly vulnerable indecisiveness. But even these two talented actresses cannot overcome the sheer banality and stupidity of the script. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Because I Said So” is a trivial 3. Don’t say you weren’t warned.