“The Love Guru”- Susan Granger reviews

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While prominent Hindu leaders have called for a boycott of this new Mike Myers comedy because it mocks their religious concepts, I suspect none will be necessary because the gullible audience for this feeble spoof of self-help spiritualism will probably shrivel on its own.

As a child, Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) was left at the gates of an ashram in India. After years in training and developing Mariska Hargitay as his mantra, he’s summoned by Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs, to help her star player, Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco), who has been emotionally crippled ever since his wife (Meagan Good) ran off a rival French Canadian goalie, the enormously endowed Jacques ‘Le Coq’ Grande (Justin Timberlake). So much for plot. Most of the screen time is devoted to Pitka’s mugging maharishi schtick, including crotch jokes, urine-soaked mops, hockey pucks to the head and elephant erotica.

Mike Myers’ interpretation of the dubiously accented swami — whom an Oprah Winfrey impersonator calls “the next Deepak Chopra”– looks like every other smirking character he’s done. But since Myers serves as producer/star/co-writer (with Graham Gordy), there was no one to tell him that his ludicrous cavorting is little more than an 88-minute “Saturday Night Live” skit. Certainly not first-time director Marco Schnabel.

As in the “Austin Powers” franchise, Myers pads out the proceedings with cameos, including Ben Kingsley as cross-eyed Guru Tugginmypudha, “Mini-Me” Verne Troyer as the hockey coach, Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert as a drugged-up announcer and John Oliver of “The Daily Show” as Dick Pants, the guru’s agent.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The Love Guru” is an atrocious, inanely tedious 2. Or, as Ghandi said, “An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.”

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Susan Granger

Susan Granger is a product of Hollywood. Her natural father, S. Sylvan Simon, was a director and producer at R.K.O., M.G.M. and Columbia Pictures; her adoptive father, Armand Deutsch, produced movies at M.G.M. As a child, Susan appeared in movies with Abbott & Costello, Red Skelton, Lucille Ball, Margaret O'Brien and Lassie. She attended Mills College in California, studying journalism with Pierre Salinger, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with highest honors in journalism. During her adult life, Susan has been on radio and television as an anchorwoman and movie/drama critic. Her newspaper reviews have been syndicated around the world, and she has appeared on American Movie Classics cable television. In addition, her celebrity interviews and articles have been published in REDBOOK, PLAYBOY, FAMILY CIRCLE, COSMOPOLITAN, WORKING WOMAN and THE NEW YORK TIMES, as well as in PARIS MATCH, ELLE, HELLO, CARIBBEAN WORLD, ISLAND LIFE, MACO DESTINATIONS, NEWS LIMITED NEWSPAPERS (Australia), UK DAILY MAIL, UK SUNDAY MIRROR, DS (France), LA REPUBBLICA (Italy), BUNTE (Germany), VIP TRAVELLER (Krisworld) and many other international publications through SSG Syndicate. Susan also lectures on the "Magic and Mythology of Hollywood" and "Don't Take It Personally: Conquering Criticism and other Survival Skills," originally published on tape by Dove Audio.