TED 2 – Review by Susan Granger

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The most inventive sequence in this lackluster sequel opens the titles, as the Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) marries his gum-chewing girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), with Sam Jones (1980s Flash Gordon) officiating, followed by a lavish Busby Berkeley-like dance number atop a giant wedding cake. Read on…

Cut to one year later, when Ted and Tami-Lynn squabbling. Although Ted has no genitals, they agree that having a baby will quell their domestic strife and save their relationship.

So Ted and his “thunder buddy,” John (Mark Wahlberg), pay an ill-fated visit to a sperm bank, then sneak into New England Patriot’s QB Tom Brady’s house at night, hoping to use him as a donor.

When that fails, they visit adoption agencies, only to discover that, according to Massachusetts law, Ted’s not really a person but a piece of property. So it’s off to find the fledging lawyer (Amanda Seyfried) who will take on their legal/philosophical civil rights case – pro-bono.

Meanwhile, there’s a subplot in which a creepy Hasbro janitor (Giovanni Ribisi) tries to kidnap Ted and dissect him to discover his ‘secret’ to manufacture a new line of sentient, self-aware, Ted-like bears.

When writer/director Seth MacFarlane (TV’s “Family Guy” creator) devised this profane, pot-smoking CGI teddy bear character, it was kind of sweet and amusing. But this inept sequel revolves around one crude joke. And it grows stale fast.

Perverted and proudly politically-incorrect, there are seemingly endless marijuana reference, punctuated by celebrity cameos (Jay Leno, Morgan Freeman, John Slattery, etc.) – with Liam Neeson delivering dead-pan humor, purchasing a box of Trix cereal.

Following a clever soundtrack homage to “Jurassic Park” dinosaurs on a road trip from Boston to New York, there’s lovely, lyric interlude in which Seyfried sings “Mean Ol’ Moon,” mesmerizing various woodland creatures, including a raccoon and a lobster. But the climactic Comic-Con chase sequence falls flat. It’s all hit-or-miss mediocrity.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Ted 2” is a flagrantly fumbling 5. The bawdy bear is back – and it’s disappointingly un-funny.

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Susan Granger

Susan Granger is a product of Hollywood. Her natural father, S. Sylvan Simon, was a director and producer at R.K.O., M.G.M. and Columbia Pictures; her adoptive father, Armand Deutsch, produced movies at M.G.M. As a child, Susan appeared in movies with Abbott & Costello, Red Skelton, Lucille Ball, Margaret O'Brien and Lassie. She attended Mills College in California, studying journalism with Pierre Salinger, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, Phi Beta Kappa, with highest honors in journalism. During her adult life, Susan has been on radio and television as an anchorwoman and movie/drama critic. Her newspaper reviews have been syndicated around the world, and she has appeared on American Movie Classics cable television. In addition, her celebrity interviews and articles have been published in REDBOOK, PLAYBOY, FAMILY CIRCLE, COSMOPOLITAN, WORKING WOMAN and THE NEW YORK TIMES, as well as in PARIS MATCH, ELLE, HELLO, CARIBBEAN WORLD, ISLAND LIFE, MACO DESTINATIONS, NEWS LIMITED NEWSPAPERS (Australia), UK DAILY MAIL, UK SUNDAY MIRROR, DS (France), LA REPUBBLICA (Italy), BUNTE (Germany), VIP TRAVELLER (Krisworld) and many other international publications through SSG Syndicate. Susan also lectures on the "Magic and Mythology of Hollywood" and "Don't Take It Personally: Conquering Criticism and other Survival Skills," originally published on tape by Dove Audio.