UNDERWATER – Review by Susan Granger

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The vampires and werewolves Kristen Stewart faced in “Twilight” pale in comparison with the gigantic aquatic creature that’s after her in this silly deep-sea dirge.

Channeling Sigourney Weaver’s steely Ripley in “Alien,” Stewart plays Norah, a mechanical engineer working seven miles beneath the ocean’s surface when a catastrophic accident floods the huge drilling rig.

Fleeing with other crew (Jessica Henwick, Mamoudou Athie, John Gallagher Jr., T.J. Miller) and their captain (Vincent Cassel), Norah and these survivors of the initial explosion realize that they must make their way to an abandoned outpost if they ever hope to reach the surface again.

There’s constant terror, coping with changing air pressure and faulty diving equipment, as they struggle across the sediment-clouded sea floor.

And when they capture a mysterious pink creature that’s been munching on a human corpse, it’s obvious that its angry mother will soon appear to wreak vengeance.

“We did this!” a marine biologist screams. “We took too much! We’re not supposed to be down here!”

Brian Duffield and Adam Cozad’s sci-fi action/thriller script sets up the claustrophobic disaster but disintegrates as director William Eubank and cinematographer Bojan Bazelli get mired down in murky mayhem, utilizing far more jump scares than necessary.

With her hair buzz-cut to white/blond fuzz, Stewart runs around in her underwear whenever she can shed the clunky deep-sea exoskeleton suit. Fetching but far-fetched.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Underwater” sinks to an incoherent, unintelligible 2. Glub-glub…

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Susan Granger

Susan Granger

Susan Granger is a product of Hollywood. Her natural father, S. Sylvan Simon, was a director and producer at R.K.O., M.G.M. and Columbia Pictures; her adoptive father, Armand Deutsch, produced movies at M.G.M. As a child, Susan appeared in movies with Abbott & Costello, Red Skelton, Lucille Ball, Margaret O'Brien and Lassie. She attended Mills College in California, studying journalism with Pierre Salinger, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, Phi Beta Kappa, with highest honors in journalism. During her adult life, Susan has been on radio and television as an anchorwoman and movie/drama critic. Her newspaper reviews have been syndicated around the world, and she has appeared on American Movie Classics cable television. In addition, her celebrity interviews and articles have been published in REDBOOK, PLAYBOY, FAMILY CIRCLE, COSMOPOLITAN, WORKING WOMAN and THE NEW YORK TIMES, as well as in PARIS MATCH, ELLE, HELLO, CARIBBEAN WORLD, ISLAND LIFE, MACO DESTINATIONS, NEWS LIMITED NEWSPAPERS (Australia), UK DAILY MAIL, UK SUNDAY MIRROR, DS (France), LA REPUBBLICA (Italy), BUNTE (Germany), VIP TRAVELLER (Krisworld) and many other international publications through SSG Syndicate. Susan also lectures on the "Magic and Mythology of Hollywood" and "Don't Take It Personally: Conquering Criticism and other Survival Skills," originally published on tape by Dove Audio.