BULLET TRAIN – Review by T. J. Callahan

Bullet Train: Let this be a lesson in the toxicity of anger.

Buckle your seat belts for the most fast and furious ride of the summer when you board the Bullet Train. Ladies, you may want to pull that lap strap a bit tighter when Brad Pitt goes off the rails. Pitt is one of 5 assassins on a high speed train from Tokyo to Kyoto who’s mission’s to kill all have something in common. Pitt’s code name is Ladybug. He’s a snatch and grab kinda killer. He’d rather leave the gun and take the cannoli. He’s had a string of bad luck and just wants to slow it down and become zen. But when he’s asked to fill in for one of the most heinous hit men around he finds himself the target of Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry), Prince (Joey King), Wolf (Bad Bunny) and more. There’s so much fighting and blood on this Oriental Express that a Quentin Tarantino movie breaks out.

Bullet Train is all about the action. There’s a storyline in there somewhere, but this rapid transit is long and has so many cars you may need Google Maps. Every single character has their own separate and overlapping narrative, including a bottle of Fiji water. No one and no thing is left out, except for us. It’s our job to bob and weave and stay upright.

Bullet Train is based on a Japanese dark, comedic novel titled Maria Beetle. The film is directed by David Leitch, who already gave us films from the Fast and Furious, Deadpool and John Wick franchises. Antoine Fuqua, of The Equalizer and Training Day fame, is a producer. With these two at the helm, Bullet Train can’t help but be pedigreed for pandemonium.

Go to Bullet Train for the cameos and the purebred cast. Pitt did so many of his own stunts, Tom Cruise is jealous. Don’t bring the kids, but it’s a fun date night movie if you enjoy living dangerously. Clickety clack, watch your back. Bullet Train gets a 6.5 out of 10. My husband, Ricky, gives it one and ½ 👁’s open