YOUR FAT FRIEND – Review by Valerie Kalfrin
At 350 pounds, Aubrey Gordon doesn’t mind the word fat. She finds the euphemisms worse. Curvy. Husky. More to love.
People think they make her more comfortable, but they’re masking their own discomfort, she says. “When I describe myself as fat,” she says, “I think they think I’m saying I’m lazy, stupid or unlovable. I’m just fat.”
The focus of the documentary Your Fat Friend, Gordon just might cause you to reevaluate how you view fatness, thanks to her frank talk and engaging personality. Enjoyably thought-provoking, the film covers her rise from an anonymous blogger to best-selling author and podcaster (Maintenance Phase, with co-host Michael Hobbes) while demonstrating how essential her attitude and advocacy are.
Writing on Medium as Your Fat Friend and later in her 2020 book, What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat, Gordon unpacks the complex feelings we have about our bodies. She’s on a mission of acceptance—not to be confused with body positivity, although that’s great if that’s your goal, she says.
She’s fighting anti-fatness, for lack of a better term—an attitude so entrenched in our society that viewers who aren’t a certain size might be astounded.
This goes beyond which diet is the latest fad. Gordon notes how people on a bus put bags on the seats next to them as she walks down the aisle, so she won’t sit there. She didn’t see doctors for eight years because of how poorly several treated her, turning every visit into a weight loss lecture. Most MRI units are too small.
Even compliments are coded, telling her that her skin looks amazing instead of saying she looks good—“because I’m fat.”
Writer/director Jeanie Finlay (Game of Thrones: The Last Watch) weaves together Gordon’s diary-like chats to the camera with footage of her spending time with her extended family. Her divorced parents are loving and amiable. Both admit they don’t read much of her writing, even after her blog on Medium reached 100,000 followers. Some supportive commenters included actor Minnie Driver, author and activist Monica Lewinsky, California Governor Gavin Newsom, and singer Adele.
Some of the most interesting scenes happen over meals, where someone brings up dieting or weight—not to Gordon but commenting on themselves, and doing the very things Gordon as “Your Fat Friend” has advised people not to do. Other memorable bits occur when she highlights old diet books, some with laughable titles such as More of Jesus, Less of Me, or gets fired up, such as when she notes how the wellness industry has rebranded dieting. “It’s like some Jedi mind trick,” she says, waving a hand as if casting a spell.
Finlay asks a few probing questions, but mostly, she’s a gentle observer. We see Gordon’s parents come to their own realizations, and when they experience how her work affects people, their reaction is heartwarming to behold.
Finlay also shoots slow closeups of Gordon’s body, sometimes in a swimsuit, likely to test viewers with her confidence, but Gordon’s words hit harder. Reading from her work in voiceover, she’s touching and vulnerable, with poignant sentences appearing typed on screen. The film includes hateful online comments that devastate her along with ones that keep her going.
True, writers such as Roxane Gay (Hunger) and Julie Murphy (Dumplin’) have covered similar ground, but this topic isn’t going away overnight, and any voice that can cut through the noise is welcome. Your Fat Friend shows Gordon is a sharp and relatable one, someone who encourages people to see the humanity in others.
